Friday, 24 September 2010

Raise your glasses!

I was interviewed by Radio Aire today.

"What did they want?" I hear you cry... In my head...

Was it for some insightful advice on the Craft Bar scene? To talk about North's brilliant Oktoberfest that starts, incidentally, next Wednesday... To recommend that people drink sensibly and carefully and eschew beers made of corn industrial enzymes and rice syrup?

Nooooo. It was about the proposed ban on Glass in pubs. Yes this is a real hot issue and no mistake. Up and down the land marauding thugs are slashing innocent punters with stella 'chalices', bludgeoning with branded tankards and slashing with Strongbow etched nonics...


Far be it for me to make light of a serious issue, a 'glassing' is a nasty, vindictive act which permanently damages the recipient physically and mentally - I've seen it and it's horrible.

Not at North of course... Why is that then? I mean if it's such a problem as to require a total ban then surely it must be A HUGE PROBLEM???

No, it's not. The problem is... The people who hit other people with glasses. Now how do we deal with this. Simple - good staff and good security. In 'cattle market' venues this seems to be and thus trouble can lead to violence. But for the majority of licensed premises well trained staff will refuse service to people who have had too much and people who are aggressive. Well trained doormen know not to let in known troublemakers, they will also, in one or two swift sentence be able greet the punter and discern whether they have had too much or are likely to be aggressive. People who know their jobs, know the signs and thus are able to deal with problems before they turn nasty.

Of course there is always the chance that perfectly calm and sober people could suddenly lose it and smack some poor fool in the face with a glass. They could also use a chair, I mean they are heavier and better for bludgeoning... They could tear the pictures from the walls, the bottles from the bar, pool cues and bits of the staircases in some kind of mock cowboy brawl. They could use guns or knives!!!! God the world is scary!

Don't fucking believe it. The streets and bars and pubs are safer now then they ever have been. Horrible things can happen but it's well within our means to keep them to an absolute minimum.

Bars and pubs with persistent problems should have their licenses revoked. Venues with good training and good records should be held up as examples to the rest, not tarred (yet again!) with the same brush as irresponsible booze trough venues.

This sort of nonsense puts fear in to people's minds so they stay in their homes and drink; 'unsupervised' towards a miserable, frightened, cheap booze soaked death.

The glasses aren't the problem. It's the hands that hold them...

Of course we could always ban hands, have everyone drink their allotted number of units through a fucking straw and then stagger back in to the streets and bash together like a half pissed army of demented weebles...

Of course if you do get in to a bar fight a bit of advice is always useful:

1 comment:

  1. Hear, hear. It's all it bit 'using a sledgehammer to crush a peanut' sort of thing. I can honestly say I've never been unlucky enough to witness a 'glassing' in 10 years of drinking. Why? Cos of where I drink. Maybe the government should focus attention on supermarkets selling cheap booze and people drinking on the street before coming out, rather than pubs selling beer in - heaven forbid - glasses.